Go Manipal!

Finally all the proceedures done!

It took about a month for everything to get over!... and finally I am a student of Manipal University! I can remember how I packed my bags and rushed to Bangalore leaving myself unaffected by the wedding fervour! Here's a detailed account of all the running around that led me to getting admissions in Manipal finally!

12th May : Downloaded the application form and took prinouts, filled them since the next day was (thirteenth)!!

14th May: Scanned and sent a copy fearing the courier may not reach in a day.. Couriered the form with the DD and everything through DTDC

16th May: Received the hall ticket for the entrance exam on 7th!

... a brief pause of 15 days till i started 'mock' preparations for the test using GRE manual!

5th June : Left for Manipal

6th June: Went and saw Manipal institute of Communication, talked to the Director, explored whole of the Campus

7th June : D-Day for examinees, gave the 'oh-so-difficult' examand eagerly waitied for results

8th June: The results were out and I got rank Three [yay!]

9th June: Packed bags back to Bangalore while in the process of mentally preparing myself for everything every minute! :(

11th June: Got the admission and estimate notice to pay fees and confirm admission

18th June: Paid the fees and confirmed my seat at MIC...

Now that all that's said and done and done with!... I have to remind myself time and again not to let parents pamper swo much, lest I feel so weak to actually leave them and go. Perhaps the excitement of the course will take over the fear. Perhaps the excitement of shopping new clothes will overcome everything...

Perhaps the excitement stays till I waive a good-bye to Bangalore and begin my Masters in Manipal from July 27th 2009!

...

Perhaps!......

Truth's redefined

Ain't I a Woman,

with desires,

Hopes,

Wishes,

but helplessness!

Ain't I a Woman

Who loves,

Dreams,

Strikes balances,

But is in eternal internal conflicts!

But I am a Woman,

Who knows,

What she can do

Dream,

and how to make them true!

I am a Woman,

Who believes,

Trusts

And knows

That the world is

A better place

To live,

Laugh

and love.

For I am one

Among such Women!

Torn Apart...

Torn apart from the heart.

The desires hidden deep within

Like an exposed wound..

Torn apart from the chords.

The balances imbalanced

Like those broken verses off a note..

Torn apart. Why is it?

The life of a woman

Like the rape of the wound clock..

Torn apart. Am I.

My outer and inner soul

Like the hapless worm in its shell..

Torn apart.

Is an unanswered wish

Like those questions left behind..

Torn apart.

All that is.

Who is the one who can set it right?

The Western Chronicle

After about three years, I pressed the resume button to my desire to fly alone! This time being one of my pleasure trips as I decided to fly to Mumbai for my post-college holidays! The feeling in me was different.. the queer excitement that I had, for, I was going there with full responsibilities of not only shopping for myself and my sisters but also going on the hunting head for colleges over there for my post graduation!

With full hopes of an awesome flight, an awesome view and an awesome experience, I boarded 9W 444 at 12.20pm from BIAL, and as the flight took a steep turn westway, 

I saw the balded fields that earned

  browning points..

The flight was crampy! After sitting in beautiful large reclining seats in executive buses , the god-forsaken seat gave me cramps! It added to the disappointment and frustration as I saw the ever-chatty man (Mr. Boastful (B) )with an undisputed ability of boasting talking in the highest decibles known in-flight with his co-passenger! 

The best part of the scene was when food came and he ordered Non-veg platter! I shuddered at the lady's plight as we ate silently and Mr. B attacked on the meagre lunch that would satiate a dieter's hunger!

 And as he digged into the pudding,it generated more shrugs and I realised we were  flying over those beautiful tunnels on Mumbai-Pune highway. I was desperate in making the flight memorable, but for his annoying snores that followed the heavy meal. So I decided to do what soothes my photo-itchy fingers!....

The flight glided on the clouds smoothly and before I could remember what I read in Matthew 15.10 (oh! By the way... I carried the New Testament everywhere I went, my Ooty Appy suggested me to read the NIV) ... we were on our way to descent and the "please-switch off-all-electronic-devices" instruction was repeated time

 and again, first from the captain, then by the air hostesses. But hiding electronic items while using them is like Vetaal on ex-college students like us ;) And I frantically kept clicking photos of the buildings, the roads, the resorts, the slums and finally the flights in taxi on Chattrapati Shivaji International Airport, Mumbai. It was then that I realised that "Clicking photographs in any of Indian Airport premises is prohibited"

         The growing citee! The flats! 

Flights on CS Airport!

   The rushing few on concreted roads

And there I was.. on the concreted roads of Mumbai after six long years! I could feel the strange happiness in me for having arrived in the city I missed the most when I left from here for the first time! As we headed towards Kurla Station, I felt the impatience in me for the Local-train to arrive. I acted as one of those dumb tourists who would have never seen a crowd on a local station as I found people gaping at my huge smile and frequency of flashes of my camera!

    Kurla Station

48 hours later, I decide to pay a visit to Xavier's Institute of Communication, to actually go and talk to 

the people there and find some seniors who could give me a piece of gyaan about the college near 

Victoria Terminus! As I stepped on the floor of the beautiful station, I saw the mad rush on the platforms. It seemed as if time was moving on 4x for these people! 

It also brought back memories of 26/11 attacks and I started finding the same spots where once these terrorists stood and did what we now call the black day attacks. I went to the same places where once these people went. Cruising on the same roads as they did. First the west-exit at the V.T station. Then the Cama and Albless Hospital. It was like rewinding my memories.

A Mumbaikar near the place of shootout!

The Soulful Hospital

It however was my personal feeling, for, I saw the brave Mumbaikars continuing their lives as if nothing had happened! I realised how different is South India from Mumbai! They continued playing in the 'Maidan', continued shopping on 'Fashion Street' and continued all thier work that never reminded themofthe incident. Atleast, that is what I believed they felt!

Half a mile away, I finally reached Xavier College on College Chowk! You must have known what college I refer to right? If no, then have a look

                     "Kabhi kabhi Aditi zindagi mein yuhin...."

Remember now right? We are so inclined to Cinemas! I was so tempted to take this photo, just for the causeof uploading it here and refreshing memories of the movie that we all watched full house last year eh! 

XIC was mind-blowingly cool! Their office, the enquiry desk, the classrooms, the Seminar Halls, the background music and the mineral water! The Airconditioner might be of 20 tonnes I guess!! Well.. their Academic records were cool as well! I was totally baffled by this college, for it being the first I went to inspect before my entrance exams!

Sadly I was too occupied with the bite of a shop-aholic bug after the college visit which distracted me from my camera and enchated me into a world- full of beautiful Tees and Tops on Fashion street! And how I bargained! My best score was 120 "not bought". I still remember how the shopkeeper started off with 550 Rupees and I said "550? So much? We dont want" and pretended to move, (but did not). He then said, "ok, how much will you give?" I said 100. He said, 'Last bolo. kitna?' I said 100. He asked me the same question about three more times and my answer was 100. It was only the fourth time did I reduced my 'hoity-ness' and asked him... how much do you want?.. he said "Atleast give 150"... then I said..no 110! then 120!.. and then again a series of "Last bolo",  followed by my shrewd walkout!..... even though he was ready to sell it for 120! (imagine... 550 going 120?)... But why didn't I buy it??!!

.... Because I did not want it!! I was getting bored of shopping and eating bhel puri and drinking three glasses of lemonades, I decided to have some fun!

P.S: Don't ever try this! they have friends in the next shop, so if you happen to actually like something and want to buy it, they will counter-attack you! I was saved because I was done with my shopping!

Fashion street was my first and final outing in Mumbai, since we were all totally occupied with my birthday plan to Shirdi ( I am too lazy to type it out now) and our return to Karnataka! And then it all follwed with my cousin's wedding, Jeejaji's ragging and a sad return to Bangalore!

Mumbai trip has sure rekindled the childhood memories that were stored in my mind's closet, however with a bit of maturity, since I could travel alone!! 

The Inconspicuous Sands of Time

The day has finally arrived and is all set to wear the sheets and cuddle in dark corners of the calender! My final final exam of the final semester of my final year is finally over! April 06, 2009! The day when I wrote the last Literature paper of my life! But did I actually write the last paper? I don't think so!! My mind refuses to believe that my theory papers are over!! That murky feeling as soon as we come out of the exam hall was not as much and as serious as the past five semesters!

This is not only my tearjerker! This is the state of all those people whom I call My Friends! In some way, these exams have added another feather to the caps of night-oil burners like us! The golden feather of the exquisite power of Self-control, self-belief and all other SELVES.. that Freud, Jung, Pavlov, Taylor, Newstromm taught us all through three years of understanding ourselves! While some of us were "unsually relaxed" some others were "highly anxious" about the tormentors that visit at the year-end-- EXAMS! But most of us qualified to be in the middle area which I would call the unusually-relaxed -at-night and highly-anxious-hour-before exam! I can recollect all the words that I murmured while studying, but I cannot recollect the number of movies watched, the serials that I critiqued and the food on shows that i smacked my lips for! and the cakes that I baked! There was some strange bug in me.. actually most of us... as we texted and re-texted each other to first ask about what the other was doing.. later texted and frantically re-texted asking "how much have you finished, dear?"!

However did the days go, we can only lament upon not having spent the time we planned to! Crying about the "swift" time that we "dezire"d to come back if we had the power of "re-winding of our lives that was like a fully wound doll"! I cannot just erase these days off the innermost memory membranes ever! It has taught me to have an escalated level of confidence, efficacy on myself. Not to forget, the belief on my hearing powers in class amidst the fervid mute UNO championships that were our under-the-table transactions of cards!

Thinking back... I feel the speed of time! It was exactly one month back, that I was traversing the whole city in all directions to get that perfect shot for my Photojournalism Assignment. At the end of which, I was so satisfied with my hard work that I wished it be recognised and credited by my photos ... "Fate is predetermined", said a writer whose nonsensical novella drilled our heads. And so true was his saying, if not the spirit of his novella! The photos were called poor! bad! and satisfactory and the photographer, who was regarded as one of the picked students of class for photo shoots, was awarded with ignominious marks! So much so that she had to churn and re-churn her tiny brain, as big as her friend's mousse-cup, with the theories,models, critiques, research and techniques of Development communication to develop her overall marks!

Now all this would be just by-gones! The ultimate fun of my college life. The most memorable moments of my college life would be reduced to hapless memories that I would guard in an album in my mental gallery! It all started with the game of UNO and we have decided to not put an end to this Tradition of Playing Uno.. just like every Bahu takes the blessings of her in-laws before entering the house, we take blessing s of the cards that bind us to each other, tying the knots of our friendship tighter and stronger...from playing Uno, to playing Lock and Key, Chinese knot, Chain cut, Red Letter and all the innumerable games that we played (courtesy: Sirchi Mirchi), we killed some, we identified some, we made sets of our favorite dream-boys and dream-actors and then we celebrated it with our spirit of oneness by having a choosofying competition of the grape ice-candies that marked yet another feat of the foo-foo clan!

Now that I am talking about all this... I am reminding myself that these italicized words that support me build this post are actually support-words of the "only English" paper that we have! It sends me back from the transcendental world of bliss and happiness where from my heart of darkness refuses to come out to the harsh reality of life that "College life is impermanent" The more I talk about it, the more it would want to run back hopping, skipping, cheating with advantage cards of life to get back every minute that I spent with my friends - chatting, playing, making fun of oneself others and everybody, the birthday-conference calls, continuously laughing; making others laugh and feel happy seeing them all, those late night notes-transfer via sms!, the early morning mugging up, acting as teachers, students who listen to Appy and Mirchi Ma'm Gyaan Guru giving snippets that make our answers more than the lecturer's notes.....

AAAARGH!!! I can go on and on and on..... Is there no way I can get Wells' Time Machine and just turn back the time to July 03, 2006?!!! Is there no way that I can make unreal real and impermanent permanent? Is there any?

"A moment of truth".. A moment of thought!

From those innocent giggles to the laughter to the expectations and then the responsibilities! Is that all a girl's life is defined as? Spreading love and cheer everywhere she goes. Bringing smiles on everyone's face. This is how one sees a girl. But is this right? Is it right to judge her life being based on only such expectations? When is the time that "they" think about "her" expectations too? Her feelings! Does anybody care to spend sometime with her, talking to her, showing their love to her in that special way that she wants them to show it to her?

The minute she is born, she brings along with her the happiness, making her mother brimming with that 'happy' pride of having her successor of the kitchen to take over and help her with the everday chores and share those snippets of her life; making her father the happiest to having gotten his prayers fulfilled, making her siblings jump with joy of having gotten a companion to share with, to play with and to be with!

'She grows up too soon', they say. The mother recalls all the moments she spent of her life bringing her daughter up in a closed shell, away from the evils. The father calls to his mind how he took care of the 'apple of his eyes' all these years, warding off all the ills that came her way. The brother remembers how he protected her from everybody, from the "evil beings" of the society with whom the girl wants to be and play!!

And then comes that special person of her life whom she chooses. Is she right? Is she wrong? A plethora of arcane thoughts cloud her mind. Her frantic efforts of finding apposite answers to these baffles are exhibited as she tries to strike a balance between the two lives that she lives now. She goes expressing her feelings to every soul whom she confides in. 

But she is clueless as to who is the actual confidant? Who is the one whom she can confide in sans any dubious feeling in her? Is it him? Is that her... she wonders! And then one fine day, as the pent up feelings become heavier and heavier for her.... she bursts out! And how she does! One might wonder if she is the same girl that they gave birth to? played with? loved? Is she the one they dreamed to be how they wanted? 

She questions herself! Who am I? Am I the one they carved their dreams around? Or do I have an identity of my own? Why am I unable to do what my heart says? Why are there uncountable statistically proven n-number of reasons why I cant be myself? Who is the one who decides what I have to do? study?  work? or just be what I aspire to be?

She wonders if she is the one what the world thinks of? A woman! A dependent! As she unfolds the conundrums of life, she realises that she has an identity of her own! She then gets her answers slowly as she progresses towards attaining and fulfilling her desires, sadly but mentally! For now, she is going to step into a new world between her and her soulmate. She travels a journey of being dependent on her father to being depepndent on her husband! She proves so as she applies for all those government documents that need a proof of her existence! A proof of being someone's daughter or wife?! 

Has one ever wondered why there are no official documents that ask for "Mother's name" or "Wife's name"? Why has it been an age-old custom of recognising a person only when the documents contain his/her father's name? Why isn't a mother's name and existence celebrated? Why do we always forget that it is because of the woman.. the Mother.. that these men came onto existence and proudly claim their official rights and grants of superiority? Why are these women suppressed?

She loses herself in deep contemplation about the uncertainity of attaining her dreams as she finds herself responsible of balancing her family. She finds herself responsible of the tiny souls that she bears. She finds herself responsible for everything that happens around her.

 Who then wonders what they are responsible of, for her? Who then wonders what she always dreamed? Who then wonders what her hidden bottled feelings and desires were??

The dawn as it does

It's a strange feeling when the first day of the New year dawns. We pray hard, we make promises to our people, to ourselves and not to forget... the uncanny resolutions that we make without thinking if that will actually be respected??

"Well, resolutions are meant to be broken"; they say.. but why don't we actually try to make these resolutions and promises work, so that the prayers that we do on the first day are answered without much efforts of the person up there to make them true!

My New Year was something like that... I made a promise, and till now, by whosoever's grace, it is working.. :) However, all the other promises that I have been making since childhood.....get broken on the 2nd day itself. Probably, it's something like a recurring chain every year, that I make this promise on the 1st day (irrespective of the year, the resolution remains the same) and I break it on the second day.

This year was, however, a bit different.I guess it was the first time in my life that I stayed up the whole night and enjoyed, partied, played, giggled, talked.... Whoa Whoa! Party in my sense is the synonym of food that we cook, pranks and games that we play and the masti attached to it!! The game of UNO!!! How can one forget that to mention here? It has become like a mandatory game in every function now ;)

Life's just not a game of UNO. It has a different meaning attached to it, and I hope that this year would wishfully be what I have thought of. The year being so crucial to me! My graduation, further studies?! With all my desires, aspirations and dreams carved like those beautiful ships carved in a light bulb, I pray that the year bring the ever alliterated luck, love and life, prosperity and success to not only myself.. but also to my family, friends and all those beautiful lovely people who dream big this day!